Dear Diary
by never-give-up-hope2
Summary: 22nd November 1986 There are things which are out of our control. It does not matter how much we want to be in control, how much we care. We have no say in all of it, any of it.
1. Chapter 1

22nd November 1986

There are things which are out of our control. It does not matter how much we want to be in control, how much we care. We have no say in all of it, any of it.

If I did, I would not be sitting here under an olive tree, writing my diary. Maybe I would live in a place such as America or Europe. Maybe I would choose not to go to school everyday. I do not know. Sometimes, that is best.

I start this diary today because I am extremely bored. And because it is my little sister's birthday. Okay, she has not even been born yet, but I know that she will definitely be born today. I can hear Ima screaming from all the way out here; okay, so she's not my Ima either. But she is Rivka, and that is close enough.

I wish she had decided on a hospital birth, I would much rather wait for news inside the house rather than out here. All those pregnancy books told Rivka that a home birth would be better for the baby so that is what she decided and once she makes up her mind about something, that is it. It is very boring out here. I do not even have anything interesting to write about, I am just writing things as they come.

My little sister, Ziva, is sitting beside me. She was talking to me about the baby a minute ago but now she has gone silent. There is always something wrong with Ziva when she goes quiet; even at four, you can just tell. I think she is worried that the baby is hurting Ima, which it is, but not in the way that she thinks. I am not about to tell her all of that stuff.

Ziva is a very strange child. She is stubborn and will not always do as she is told yet if someone says 'that is an order' she will follow it without protest. I think she is worried about this new baby as well. Rivka hardly noticed Ziva during the pregnancy and I think she is worried that it will continue to happen. I would love to reassure her that it will not, but I cannot. Not in this world we live in.

It is at times like this that I think about my Ima. I have not seen her in over a year. It might sounds very strange but I do not miss her that much. Rivka is a very good Ima and I love her. She is good to me and treats me as if I were her own. She is an amazing cook and is always so friendly. I am not sure if I can remember what my Ima looks like anymore. If I close my eyes and try hard enough, I can see her black, straight hair, I can see her kind, albeit crooked, smile. Is that enough to love her?

I am really not sure what to write in a diary. It is confusing because it is not a story and I prefer stories. You can manipulate the ending, change it if you do not like the original. A diary is real; you cannot change the events that make your life your life. I have a feeling that these rough pages will become something of a list; filled with the names of the dead. I can name three of my family off the top of my head right now:

Uncle Abraham

Uncle Ishmael

Sareena

These are just the people in my family. The first two were my father's brothers whom I liked very much. They never treated me like I was worth nothing and they always brought Ziva and I treats until a year ago. Ziva never understood where her two favourite people went. She would ask for months until Aba snapped at her that they would never be coming home. It was I who had to comfort her all because Aba couldn't have used some tact.

Sareena was Ziva's cousin, my step-cousin if you like. She was the same age as Ziva and the two would always get up to all sorts of mischief (I believe that is the correct term). She was killed a year ago. Ziva cried for days. I did too but I can't say that because Aba says that men do not cry. Though the beauty of this diary is that he will never read it. Hopefully. If I hide it well enough.

I really do not understand Aba sometimes. Oh, here he is now. I better stop writing this because here he comes. I don't want him to know I'm writing a diary, that will make him angry. I think he thinks it is a girly thing to do. One thing is for sure, Ziva does not keep a diary.

לדבר בקרוב (Lehitra'ot) - See you later

Ari

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**A/N - So? What do you think of my new story? These chapters will be short but they're diary entries do what did you expect? We wouldn't spend our time writing three A4 pages in our diaries but if you find someone who does then feel free to point me in their direction. I go on holiday tomorrow and I will have no internet until Friday so if you PM me and I don't reply then please do not think I am ignoring you because I am not. Please leave a review and tell me what you think. Pretty please. **

**Disclaimer: So I had this awesome dream that I owned NCIS and I was rich and famous and wrote fanfictions all day long...then I woke up.**


	2. Chapter 2

_23__rd__ November 1986 _

Hello! I have the greatest news ever! My little sister Tali David was born at seven o clock yesterday evening. Which is good because she wasn't born on the Shabbat because the sun had set. I made Ziva go and check, I knew she would be horrified if Tali had broken the sacred laws of the Shabbat - even though we are not Orthodox. Personally, I don't think G-d would mind if Tali was born in the sunlight hours. A new life has been brought into His kingdom. I think He is pleased.

Tali is adorable. Aba wouldn't let Ziva and I see her for long because Ima was tired and needed to sleep. I even got a chance to hold her although I wasn't allowed to stand up and hold her which was annoying but I understand. Tali is so tiny. Her eyes have not opened yet but her face is so small and she has a lot of hair for a baby! Ima agrees but she says that David women always have lot's of hair. She does and so does Ziva. It's brown and long.

I had to go to school today. I didn't mind though because I like school. Does that make me strange? I like learning new things and learning why things are the way they are. It's nice to be able to make sense of some things at least. My friends were all asking about the baby. And so were their Ima's. Honestly, how one group of women can be so incredibly nosy is beyond me. They kept asking questions about 'is it a boy or girl?' 'how much does she weigh?' 'what is her name?' 'Have you been to temple yet?' 'would Rivka like it if I come around with a falafel?' Ima does not even like falafel. I, however, love the food so I said that Ima would be touched. She will be, she just will not eat the aforementioned touching beverage.

I am getting really confused as to what I should write in this diary. It is not a story. I know I have written that before but a story would be so much easier because it's hard to be imaginative about real life. Does that make sense? I suppose it doesn't matter if is does not make sense because I am the only one likely to read this and even then I do not think I will look back on it. It will be too embarrassing. I like writing stories. You can change the ending. That is my favourite thing about writing. I like being able to change things because some endings aren't always what you expect them to be. They are not all happy. I am not sure I would like them to be that way anyway.

Apparently, in the UK and US, they go to school Monday to Friday and then have Saturday and Sunday off. We go to school Monday through Thursday and then have Friday and Saturday off. I think it is because of the Shabbat because the US and UK are mostly Christian countries so their Holy day is a Sunday and I think it is against the law or something to go to school on the Holy day but do not hold me to that. I am not entirely sure although it would explain why we do not go to school during Pesach and so forth.

I am dreading Tali growing up. Imagine having two sisters in the house instead of one! Although I cannot really complain. I love Ziva dearly and to be fair she is quite boyish and does not chase me to play princesses with her. In fact, Ziva spits on princesses. Literally. My Aunt Nettie did not make the mistake of buying her a princess doll twice. We prefer cops and robbers. Now that, is a fun game. Aba always stops us though, he says that the cops do not always catch the robbers. But they must, they have to. If the cops don't always catch the robbers then what is there - a world full of crime? No, for this one, I believe Aba is wrong.

I think that is enough for today. My hand aches after the three hours of homework I did after school today and the hours of lessons.

Laila Tov.

Ari

….

_24__th__ November 1986 _

Shalom!

I realise that I've been writing in this diary very prim and proper. I blame it entirely on the English. I hate it! It's such a difficult language to learn and they all have words that mean the same thing! Every time I write this, all I want to do is form Hebrew letters. Of course I should be used to it by now, I know almost four languages fluently and apparently that's rare for a twelve year old. Of course not everyone's father is Eli David. I have been getting English lessons since I was four years old and I was brought up with Hebrew and Arabic. I have only recently began learning Russian, I think it's a beautiful language, it turns everything into poetry.

Of course not everyone thinks that way. Ima (Rivka) absolutely hates Russian. I don't actually know the reason but I think it has something to do with the fact that she had a very unfortunate encounter with a Russian a while back. I don't know and I certainly don't intend to ask. When Rivka gets mad, she scares me. Of course she scares everyone when she's angry, maybe even Aba. Maybe not. Every time she gets angry, Aba leaves the house. Sometimes I don't like Aba, he can be very scary and he is always very harsh.

I am sorry this entry is so short but I am so, very tired and it is still quite warm here, even though it is November. My hand aches from writing these strange letters but it is good practise.

Laila Tov

Ari

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**A/N - I've decided to have more than one entry in this 'diary' because it could get rather long otherwise. This is still quite short but I hope you don't mind. I mean to have this up yesterday and if everything goes good, i will update every Sunday. I have a lot going on at school at the moment so please, bare with me. Please review - they are 100% bio-degradable.**

**Disclaimer: If I owned NCIS then there would probably be a lot more Tiva, McAbby and the show would probably be a mess. You're all probably glad that I don't own NCIS. **


	3. Chapter 3

_25__th__ November 1986 _

Shalom!

I got some really good news today. My Ima (My real Ima) is coming to visit me. I am very excited because I have not seen her in a while but I don't want Rivka to think that I'm abandoning her. That can work two ways though because my Ima could think that Rivka is replacing her when she isn't. This is so complicated and it's unfair. I'm caught in the middle.

Aba sat me down and explained some things about my Ima. He explained that she is Palestinian and that is why she doesn't live here because Palestine is technically enemies with Israel. I am half-Palestinian but I must pretend to be fully Israeli here because most people are filled with prejudice and are able to hate people they haven't even met and that have done them no harm. Sometimes both countries disgust me and I wish I wasn't part of either of them but then I look at America and the UK and I see that really, there are no better than us.

My Ima comes to visit a week today and she is staying in our house for a week. I am so excited. I hope Ziva likes her. She's never met my Ima before. I hope she's polite as well. Ziva doesn't do well with strangers. At all. But what if my Ima doesn't like Ziva? That would be horrible because I love Ziva dearly and I couldn't imagine having to choose. It would be so awful. And Tali! She's just been born and I haven't had a chance to know her properly. I don't think she will though. She can't, she just can't.

Aunt Nettie is coming to visit for a few weeks. She lives in Haifa so she will be here tomorrow. She doesn't have any children and she isn't married. Aunt Nettie must be really lonely, I think. Imagine not having anybody to be there when you go home and imagine not having anybody to miss you when you're gone. It must be awful. When I ask her, Aunt Nettie says she is perfectly content with her life but I think that is an exaggeration of the truth. I bet she is lonely sometimes but chooses not to admit it. Adults are annoying sometimes. They expect us to tell them the truth when we are hurting but they never tell us the truth or they never tell us the whole truth. The truth should be a two way system, just like trust.

School was quite hard today. We had English lesson and my teacher says I have improved a lot. I think this is because I'm writing in this dairy and it helps with the words order and the structure of the letters. I like to write in English here because Hebrew and Arabic are one of the first languages we learn so it's more private and it's good practice. I also like to write in English because it's different and being different is good sometimes. I'm not saying it isn't hard though, because it is. But it will be worth it. Aba says it is important that we know a range of languages because Hebrew and Arabic are really only languages that people in the Middle East will know. I think it is important too but how many languages will we have to learn in order to communicate with the outside world? It is impossible.

Ari

…..

_26__th__ November 1986 _

Aunt Nettie is here! I'm so happy. I haven't seen her since Pesach so it was lovely to see her. Aunt Nettie is Aba's older sister by five years and she is so bossy around him that it's quite funny. Ziva and I just love watching them argue because Aunt Nettie says things that nobody would dare say to Aba. They were arguing in the front hallway when she had not even been here five minutes. They are as bad as Ziva and I. Ima always has to play peacekeeper and it's funny because nobody will listen to her until Nettie decides she has had enough of the argument and says, "Eli! Stop arguing! It is such a waste of breath. Why don't you listen to you lovely wife and stop it? Honestly!" and then she walks off leaving Aba looking like a puppy dog. Aunt Nettie is the only person to get that look from him.

I'm writing this very quickly before dinner. Aunt Nettie is cooking Kubbeh and Ima is making Malabi for desert. Kubbeh is the Arabic word for 'ball' which is probably not the most appetizing name for the dish but it makes a lot of sense when you see it. It is made from burghul (cereal flower), minced onions and ground red meat. They are shaped into balls and are then stewed in both. Aunt Nettie is stewing them in a vegetable broth. They are delicious and Aunt Nettie makes the best Kubbeh ever! With that being said, Ima makes the best Malabi ever. Nobody I have ever met has been able to recreate the way Rivka makes hers. Malabi is a milk and flower based custard that everybody loves. I'm not joking, everywhere seems to sell it from posh hotels to market sellers. It's a very refreshing dessert that can be eaten in the summer or winter and it's prepared with rose water to make it lovely and sweet. Ima tops it with coconut shavings but it can be covered in similar ingredients like pistachios which gives it a slightly crunchy texture to an otherwise creamy desert. It's very easy to make and I've tried to make it with Ima's recipe but it didn't taste the same. I think it needed her magic touch. I'm glad we are not orthodox because if we were then we wouldn't be allowed to have meat and dairy so close together. I can't imagine having to wait three hours!

I don't even know why I'm explaining what Kubbeh and Malabi are. I'm the only one who'll read this. It is not like Anne Frank's diary where everyone reads it. Didn't she say something similar? Besides, I'm not living during something on the scale of the holocaust. I live in a time where Israel and Palestine are fighting but it's not interesting. I don't think the world knows what is going on here, Israel is a largely forgotten country. If America was to go to war then everyone would know about it and everyone would be expected to care. It is unfair, but I have been taught that nothing ever is fair. Although America did bomb Libya in April this year. None of us here care though because their leader is firmly ant-Israel and supports extremist groups in Palestinian territories and Syria. There are Libyans in my class at school and they are really friendly and nice and nobody is suspicious of them because they are 'Anti-Gadaffi Libyans'. Gadaffi is the leader of Libya.

I need to go now. I have just been called down for dinner and Aunt Nettie will have my heart if I am late down. (If that is the correct expression. I think it might be 'head')

Ari

_27__th__ November 1986 _

Today was not a good day. Ima and Aba had a really big fight and I feel really awful because it was about me. It's not their first fight and I doubt that it will be the last but it was a massive fight that had Ziva hiding under the bed and Aunt Nettie threatening to lock them both in the bathroom if they did not shut up.

It was all because Aba suggested that he should start taking me to the shooting range to practice with him. He did not even ask, it was a mere suggestion when Ima was folding the washing in the living room and I was studying my Russian textbook. Ziva was outside in the garden with some of her friends.

Ima looked up and her eyes were flashing with anger. "Ari, get your sister and go upstairs. Do not come down until I tell you to," she said and I did as I was told. You don't mess with Ima when she's angry. Never. It is an unspoken rule in our house and we all comply. Except maybe Aba.

Unfortunately Aunt Nettie wasn't here so there was nobody to stop the argument before it got out of hand. Ziva was a nightmare to get into the house because she wanted to play with her friends and I had to promise that I would buy her an ice-cream if she did as she was told. She still moaned _lamah _though, until we got inside and heard the argument. Then she shut up and went upstairs in silence.

We could hear them shouting from my bedroom. They were really angry and their voices were really scary. Yes, I know my vocabulary isn't that good but I have an excuse.

"Eli, it is not your choice to decide what he will do in his future, he will decide for himself," Ima said, not completely angry at this point.

"It is completely my choice. You know as well as I do that he would never choice this life," Aba said.

"Exactly, so why make him choose it, Eli? It is not fair. He is just a boy."

"Because, Rivka, everyday is a fight to survive. I want to make this world safer for their children to live in."

"Eli, it is your job to fight the wars. You are supposed to make the world safer for them, for our children. Not for theirs. Everyday wouldn't be a fight to survive if people like yourself did not raise their children to become like themselves. I beg you, do not expose them to the violence."

"There is always violence. We need to accept that."

"No, Eli, we don't. I won't let you turn Ari into something he is not. He is my son and I love him. I will not let you turn him into a soldier or one of your officers. Because after that then what is next? Ziva? Tali? Would you really turn our daughters into killers when the state of Israel will do that already?"

"Ari is not your son, Rivka, he is my son. Therefore you have no say in what I choose or do not choose for him."

That is the important parts of the argument. After those words it was a lot of name calling and a lot of expletives that no four year old should even know exist. I translated the argument from Hebrew to English for the sake of this diary and I hope I got it all correct. Aunt Nettie came in a few hours later and threatened to shut them both in the small bathroom if they did not shut up because they were upsetting the children. It took a few hours for Ziva to stop crying and to come out from under the bed. She's just turned four, it's not fair for her to have to listen to that. She kept asking why they were talking about me and killers. Miraculously, Tali did not even stir from her nap.

Aba did not answer the question about turning Ziva and Tali into killers but the answer was in the silence and in the things he didn't say. It was clear that if he was going to turn me into a killer then the girls would follow. I do not understand this whole 'killers' thing though. What did Ima mean? And what does it mean for us? It was also very horrible of Aba to say that I was not Rivka's son. I mean I'm not 'biologically' her son but she loves me and I love her. It was cruel and calculated. I hope this isn't Aba's true nature and it was just a bad day making him saying things he didn't mean. I really hope.

Masaa el kheer مساء الخير (Good evening in Arabic)

Ari

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**Hello, how are we all? I'm good, sort of. I was swamped with homework all week and on top of that, my laptop crashed when i was in the middle of a 3 page email and i lost it all! I've not been getting a lot of reviews for this story and i'm actually beginning to wonder if people like it. If not then i'll just delete it. There is no point in continuing if nobody is liking it. Please leave a review. The earth turns because of them, i'm serious. If you don't believe me then ask NASA. **

**No offence was meant by the 'state of Israel' comment. I'm not suggesting that Israel turns people into killers or anything like that. I meant that conscription still exists in Israel and when you're a soldier, you kill people, it's inevitable and it's the same for anyone who's in the military. I didn't mean that it would turn them into ruthless killers who kill people for fun. Nothing like that whatsoever. **

**Dedication: To Christinou for always letting me vent my feelings and for listening to things that any sane person would not listen to and for always reviewing and to KwlKat for helping me actually write this story rather than the other one. **

**Disclaimer: Not mine, not mine, not mine, not not mine, not not mine. (Name that TV reference!) **

**P.S. Try Malabi. It's delicious. **


	4. Chapter 4

**I am so, so sorry for the long wait on this. Life got in the way and I lost my muse for a while. Now life has cleared a path and my muse has returned with a suitcase so hopefully things will be back to normal. This is a short thing to tide you over until Sunday. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Bellisario productions and I tried to come to an agreement about the ownership rights. Since they had the big fancy lawyers and money, I lost :(**

**Dedication: To Christinou - who has waited for this. And to AngelHaggis for findning this fic :)**

_28__th__ November 1986_

Shalom!

Today was a very good day today. My friends and I went outside and kicked around with a ball for a while because we had the day off school. Rivka got quite mad at me though because I got my new shorts all dusty with the annoying red dust that comes from those red bricks and it's almost impossible to get out. She also got mad at me because I didn't help her clean the house and make the challah for tonight.

We're not a religious family but since Aba is home tonight for once then we have decided to do the Shabbat. Rivka has been busy all day preparing food for tonight and tomorrow since we are not allowed to cook on Shabbat. Aunt Nettie had been helping her but it's a lot of work to do because everything needs to be ready for tomorrow. There are thirty-nine forbidden things on the Shabbat. We are not allowed to write, do homework (yay!), to cook, to clean or even tear paper. It all needs to be ready and it is a lot of work.

I am writing this very quickly. Shabbat begins at sundown and it is almost sundown but I thought I should still write something. I am very excited for my real Ima coming from Palestine, I can't wait to see her! I am also excited about tonight because it is Tali's first Shabbat celebration. I also like tonight because we all have to be nice to each other so there will be no fighting at our dinner table tonight!

I must go now. Talk soon!

Ari

_29__th__ November 1986_

Shabbat is over! It has just been completed so we are all allowed to do as we please now! It's funny because Aba left the table to go to work as soon as he could. I'm sure Aunt Nettie was tempted to tie him to his chair tonight; I actually think she might've if Ziva had tripped over one of the chair legs and burst her lip.

Ziva is currently sitting next to me right now, snuggled into my side, watching me write this. It's weird because she can't understand what I'm writing at all and I can. I kind of feel cruel, as if I'm leaving her out of something. There's not really very many secrets in her though, just the pointless thoughts and feelings of a twelve-year old boy.

I can't wait for Tuesday. My real Ima is coming! I hope that doesn't sound ungrateful to Rivka because that's not the way I intend it. I sometimes wonder why I live with Aba instead of Ima. It's probably something to do with Aba's job. Everything in our house seems to revolve around Aba and his job.

I am so, very tired. I will write more tomorrow.

Laila

Ari

_30__th__ November 1986_

_Do you know it's only fourteen years until the new millennium? It's really scary to think about. We were talking about it in class today . My teacher for philosophy got us to think about where we would be in fourteen years. I would be twenty six. I think I'll still be a big brother to Tali and Ziva, still have Aba, Ima and Rivka an that I will have a nice job. Of course I will have to be a soldier before then but conscription does not last long and it'll be over by the time I'm twenty six. I can't imagine my baby sisters grown up though. Ziva will be eighteen and Tali will be fourteen. It's a scary thought!_

_Aunt Nettie took Ziva and I to the market after school today. It was very busy and Ziva started to moan about how her legs were hurting. I didn't really mind though because if she had been moaning when Aba was around then she would have gotten into trouble. Aba doesn't like his children being weak. We had to go to three different stalls to find the right cumin for the Shakshouka Aunt Nettie is making. There was some at the first stall but she wouldn't buy it, insisting that it wasn't right. Aunt Nettie is so fussy sometimes it's unbelievable!_

_We have been busy tidying the house for Tuesday. Rivka has been getting flustered making sure the guest room is comfortable and that we are all fluent in our Arabic and that everything is clean and tidy. Then, once she's done. Aunt Nettie spits, "You should not have to do this work, Rivka. My idiot little brother should do this because it his fault in the first place. I do love you so much and those children but so help me if my brother comes back with another wife that has borne a child from an undercover mission then they will be finding pieces of him from here to Jordan!" It kind of makes Rivka feel like she's wasted her time. _

_Maybe one day we can all get along, My family confuses me and so many times we are split right down the middle and Ziva and I are forced to take sides. We're used to it now but what about Tali? I need to protect her from this insanity. Her and Ziva. It's not fair but maybe life isn't meant to be. _

_Goodnight_

_Ari_


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey. Here is the update I promised you. I really did try to update this yesterday but my Internet crashed. I swear! Also, does anyone know (or can guess) what height Cote de Pablo/Ziva is? I would like it for a fanfiction I'm writing. Pretty please. Enjoy and please review.**

**Disclaimer: Disclaimed.**

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_2__nd__ December 1986_

My Ima arrived today! Finally, it seems as though I've been waiting for ages when it's actually only been about a week. Everything went smoothly (or as smoothly as things can go with my family) and we spent a while talking, just me and her. It was nice and I learnt that she is a nurse and works in the Gaza camps.

We had Shakshouka for dinner because Aunt Nettie didn't make it on Sunday and Malabi for dessert since it was my turn to pick. My Ima is exactly how I had remembered her; she wears her hair in this bun thingy hat looks very pretty and she had a kind smile. Aunt Nettie was very polite and didn't say one thing that could be taken as offensive or aggressive. It was a pretty good day : )

Ima also likes Ziva and Tali and I think the feeling is mutual. At first Ziva gave her a suspicious look but when she saw me hugging her then she did the same and was soon chattering to her in a mixture of Hebrew and Arabic and I think the word 'no' was in there a few times. When Rivka put Tali in Ima's arms, Tali opened her eyes, smiled and then snuggled against my Ima. It made all the adults go 'aww'. Aba wasn't there much today but he did say hello.

I'm sorry I didn't write yesterday but I was so busy with preparations that I was really tired when I went to bed and forgot.

I'll write again tomorrow, when I have more time. I am so busy right now with homework and Ima's visit.

Laila Tov

Ari

_3__rd__ December 1986 _

Hi!

It's raining outside. It rarely rains here and some people complain but I think most of us like it because we live in a desert climate most of the year. I like the rain. It seems to clean everything and it's almost like everything bad could be washed away by one single rain shower. I'm not that naïve but it would be nice. A person can dream can't they?

Ima, Ziva and I went on a walk today, before the rain began. Ima asked questions like 'how is school?' or what are my favourite things to do? We were walking along, quite happy and then a butterfly lands on my arm! I'm terrified of butterflies! So, I'm shrieking, flapping my arms to try and get it off while Ima and Ziva are almost on the pavement, laughing. I'm going to need to bribe Ziva to make sure she doesn't tell anyone because that would look very bad for my image as the scary big brother!

There's something awkward between Ima, Rivka and Aba. I'm not sure what it is but Rivka and Ima seem wary around each other, as if they don't want to get too close and Aba does his best to keep them from talking about anything touchy. Aunt Nettie tries to keep everything smooth and easy but it's not always so simple.

The rain has finally stopped. It's very humid now. I hope we get thunder, that might clear some of the humidity. I suppose I should go, my maths homework is practically begging me to pay it some attention since I've abandoned it for so long.

Ari

_4__th__ December 1986_

Ziva had a dance recital today. It was beautiful, she is such a good dancer! Rivka, Tali, Aunt Nettie, Ima and I went. Aba didn't. He never goes and I think Ziva gets a bit upset about that. All she ever tries to do is make him happy and sometimes he barely even pays her any attention. It's hard to watch and sometimes Rivka looks like she wants to tear his eyes out. I do too.

Apart from the dance recital, nothing much happened today. In fact, it was pretty boring. It's Thursday and I hate Thursdays. We never do anything interesting at school on a Thursday. I go to a Mamlachti school - the state run school that most Israeli students go to. It doesn't really offer much in the way of religious lessons so I learn what I can through books and other materials. I have no idea why I wrote that, it's completely random.

I haven't much to write today. It's still quite humid because we didn't get our much needed thunder and I'm very tired. Please excuse my lack of writing.

See you tomorrow

Ari

_5__th__ December 1986_

We had thunder last night! It's now slightly cloudy outside but at least the air is clear and we can all breathe!

It was a slightly boring day today. We're not observing Shabbat tonight since my mother is here and we don't want to make her feel awkward. I hadn't realised how occupied I was last week until today when I had nothing to do. I did some homework, practised with my English tutor and played with Ziva for a while. Aunt Nettie insisted Rivka and Ima go out for a while for a 'girl chat' as she called it. Aba was at work so Aunt Nettie, Ziva and I played cards, did some drawings and then we put on the radio and danced. It was actually quite a fun afternoon.

It's almost Chanukah! That's the Hebrew transliteration spelling. In English, it's Hanukkah but I prefer the first spelling. It looks nicer on the page. Chanukah is on the 27th of December this year. I can't wait because I love Chanukah and sometimes it's confusing because it's on a different date every year. I've been told the Christian holiday of Easter is like that as well, always on a different date. It makes it hard to keep up with. Especially if your switching it from the Hebrew calendar to the Gregorian calendar.

Tali smiled at me today. It might sound stupid but it made me feel all warm inside and quite proud that she's my sister. Is that stupid for a twelve year old boy to feel like that?

Говорите скорее (Speak soon in Russian)

Ari.


	6. Chapter 6

**_Hey. I know this is insanely short but at leats it's an update, right? I am sorry but I'll post another chapter around Wednesday time. I've had a lot on my mind lately and I've just been occupied. I am sorry. _**

**_Thanks: to Christinou for listening to me. Shortcake99 for helping me with my life dramas and soothing my insecurities about writing. My friend Emma, for being the person I can always count on to be there and can tell things to._**

**_Disclaimer: I can't afford a new necklace to replace the one that was stolen from me. If I owned NCIS, I could. _**

**_P.S. If there is anything you would like to see happen in this story, please PM me or drop a review. _**

_7__th__ December 1986_

Happy Sunday!

I had an English test today and I got full marks! Mrs Cohen was very impressed and she told me that if I keep it up, I could start taking my English classes with the year above. I'm so happy! I told the family and they are really pleased as well!

It rained again today. But it was the good type of rain, the cold water droplets instead of the warm ones that feel like a shower. Rivka let Ziva and I go out and play in it for a while and it felt really nice. How can some people not like rain? I don't understand this world sometimes.

We are getting pen-pals in English. My school has managed to co-operate with a school in Scotland and we are going to be corresponding in English (obviously). The boys are getting boys and the girls are getting girls. We have already been told the names of our pen-pals but not anything else since the information cards haven't arrived in the mail yet. My pen-pal is called Scott and he's twelve years old, the same age as me!

Sometimes I wonder if there is truly evil in this world? Everyone always starts out as having a reason for what they do, rather than doing it for fun. If you are doing it for a reason, is it still classed as evil? Sometimes Rivka calls Aba evil ad it makes me think. Aba doesn't seem like the man that would do evil things but then again, Rivka does not over-dramatise things and she doesn't lie. She doesn't always tell you what you want but she won't lie to you. It's either the truth or nothing at all. It's a quality I admire.

I have bad news, Ima is having to leave to go back to Palestine tomorrow rather than on Tuesday. I do not know what it's about but it's obviously something important, judging from the angry voices of last night's midnight conversation.

I need to go.

Speak soon.

Ari


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey guys! Sorry I didn't update during the week but I was seriously busy, ask Shortcake99 'cause I hardly talked to her during the week. (If anyone likes Fast and Furious then go check her fanfic out, it's amazing). Here is the latest addition of 'Dear Diary'. **

**Thanks: the electric phantom - you have no idea how happy I was to see your review. I hope your happy with what I produced. **

**Disclaimer: We all know how this goes. **

_21__st__ December 1986_

Wow, it's been a while. Almost two weeks. I am so sorry for deserting you but I have been extremely busy lately and then I was ill. I had this awful flu type thing and I couldn't move out of my bed. Rivka was so worried that she almost took me to hospital. But I'm all better now and my schoolwork has not been as demanding.

It is almost Chanukah! I am so excited! It will be Tali's first Chanukah and Aunt Nettie is staying until just after the eight days. I am sure it will be a very good holiday.

I got my first letter from Scott. I received it a few days ago actually. He writes that Scotland is very cold and that it's almost Christmas - which is a Christian holiday of some sort. I think I'll attach the letter in here, that way it will be safe and it will save me from copying it out.

_Dear Ari,_

_Wow! It feels so cool to be writing to Israel! I mean that in a good way because you never really hear much about Israel over here. In fact, I didn't even know there was a country called Israel. I'm really surprised we're doing a letter exchange with them but it's so much more interesting that writing to someone in France. Ugh, that was a horrible activity!_

_Enough of my rambling. Hi, I'm Scott. I'm twelve years old and I'm Scottish (duh!) I live in a place called Dollar which is slightly to the East of Scotland. The weather here is so different from Israel; it's rainy most of the time or cloudy but sometimes we do get sunshine and it's lovely. How are you? I don't really know that much about you except that your name is Ari and that you're twelve years old. I don't even know your address since the school are sending them as one. _

_I suppose I better write the stuff that I have to put in the letter. I'm Scott, I'm twelve and I live in a medium-sized house with my mum, dad and twin sister Kiera - who's a girl. We have a dog called Bailey . I'm Christian and we go to church on a Sunday sometimes but not all the time because my mum finds it boring sometimes. There, that's over and done with now. _

_We had this cool guy come in to class and talk to us the other day about Medicine. His name was Dr Mallard and he's from Edinburgh which is close to Dollar. It's really inspired me to become a doctor because although I wanted to be a doctor anyway, it's sort of solidified the dream. What would you like to do when you leave school? My sister wants to be a Lawyer. I think she'll be a great lawyer, she's amazing at convincing me to do stuff already and I'm her brother. I don't find her annoying, she's pretty cool and I love her like crazy. My parents think we're weird for being like that. _

_It's almost Christmas here. Only 13 days to go! Christmas is a Christian holiday which celebrates the day that Jesus was born. I don't think Judaism celebrates Christmas, do they? Oh well, I am sure you have something just as special. I like Christmas. I have asked for a new bike and Kiera has asked for one too! We're buying my parents a basket of all the things they like. My dad's a builder and he needs a new hammer so we're buying him one of those and my mum is an accountant and she needs a new calculator so we're buying her one of those. What do your parents do?_

_I think I might end this letter here. There isn't really much more for me to say. I really hope I hear from you soon, oh and there's a photo of me enclosed. _

_By for now. _

_From, Scott._

It's sad because I can't tell him what my parents do, of course, for reasons of national security. I also want to be a doctor! This Dr Mallard seems a good person. I also got Scott's photo; he's got raggy (I think that's the word) brown hair with green eyes and his smile seems really cheerful. I'm already writing a reply.

I have to go now. I promise I will not wait as long to write again, but you know the reasons why I did not.

Laila Tov.

Ari.


	8. Chapter 8

**Thanks: To all of your for reviewing and following. Love and hugs for you all. **

**Disclaimer: Nothing is mine. Isn't this a horrible world we live in. **

_22__nd__ December 1986_

Happy Monday evening! I had a really excellent day today. It was brilliant. I guess it was the order that things happened in and what happened rather than one big thing happening. Does that make sense? Probably not but I know what I'm talking about and that's the only thing that matters.

First of all, we had a test in English today and I got full marks. Mrs Cohen said that she will talk to Aba and ask him if he would let me take English with the year above. It's also good because Aba promised that if I progressed fast enough in English then he will start to see about getting me a French teacher. I would like to learn French; France is one of the places I would like to go the most. Rivka kissed me on the cheek and said she always knew I would go far in life. Then Aba said something in a language I don't know quite yet and she got this funny look on her face, like she had been slapped.

Second of all, Aba said that he has arranged for my Ima to come for another trip in February. I cannot wait. The thing I do not understand is that she does not live that far away from us to why does she have to wait so long between trips. It just doesn't seem to make sense if you get what I mean. Probably not. I am a twelve year old boy who seems to have this desperate need for people to understand me.

Rivka also made Malabi for dessert. That was the perfect end to today.

It's only FIVE DAYS until Chanukah! FIVE DAYS! Isn't that so amazing? Chanukah isn't that important by the way or religious or spiritual meaning - unlike Yom Kippur but that can wait for another day - but I like it all the same. Everybody is so happy and it's just a happy eight days. Aba and Ima don't work and I don't go to school. The name 'Chanukah' comes from the Hebrew verb meaning 'to dedicate' in English translation. It is when Jews regained control of the Temple in Jerusalem and rededicated it. I'm not going to explain it all here. I know what it means and nobody else will read it so it would be a waste of time.

Speaking of time, it's something that is passing by so fast. Tali is one month old today and although she's still tiny, she's growing s fast. I don't think Rivka wants more children. I think she thinks that something bad will happen to one of us. I would like to tell her how silly that it. Nothing bad will happen to any of us. We will all grow up, abide by the law, get good jobs and have a family. I wonder why she cannot see that. It isn't even like we live in a terribly dangerous place. There are much worse places to live.

If we could see the future, would we want to change it? Would we want to live knowing that we had deliberately changed out course so we would not end up with that future? Would we want to live knowing what we might've had and what could've been? Or would we just keep going forward, not caring, letting the winds take us wherever they may?

Ari.

_23__rd__ December 1986_

Today was certainly… interesting, if you could call it that.

Rivka and I had an argument. She called me down to the wash room and held up my maths homework - which I has scrunched up and left in my pocket - which was, by now, a soggy lump of paper.

"Ari, what is this?" She asked, holding up the soggy lump of paper that was speckled with green pen.

"It's my maths homework," I replied honestly.

"What was your maths homework doing in your trouser pocket?" She asked.

"I must have left it in my pocket after I put it in there on the way home from school yesterday," I said.

"You have a school bag, Ari. Why not put your maths homework in there?" She asked. Rivka didn't even give me time to reply before saying, "It is not good enough, Ari. You will need to explain to your teacher tomorrow why your homework is not completed. I expect better from you. I expect higher standards from you!"

Then she said, "I try to raise you in the right way. I try to cancel out everything your father teaches you that is wrong. I try to be a mother figure to you. I try, Ari!"

Then I said something which I really should not have said and I regret it now, immensely. "You are not my mother! Stop pretending to be! Stop trying to fill my mother's shoes when you are doing a poor job of it! I wish you weren't here! I wish my own mother was here!"

It was awful. Rivka looked like I had slapped her and then she walked quickly out of the room. Then (of course) I ran upstairs to my room and Ziva was there, drawing at my desk. I didn't even notice her there so I ran in and threw myself down on my bed and started to cry. Now Ziva has never seen me cry so she looked really scared, but she didn't start to cry, she just came and sat beside me and started stroking my back. It was cute but sad because it should be the other way around. We sat like that for a while,

Aunt Nettie came back from shopping and I heard her talking to Rivka. Then she called upstairs to me and said that I was coming on a walk with her - no objections. So we went on a walk and then she stared talking to me.

"Ari," she began, "I have talked to Rivka and I know what happened. I think you know that you were out of order and I am not going to scold you for something you feel terrible about anyway. What I will tell you is that Rivka tries very hard to be a mother figure to you when your own mother cannot be here. She knows that she is not your mother and she is not trying to replace her, she is trying to ensure you grow up to be a good young man. It is not easy being her, she has three young children - two of which are under five - and your father is not here as often as he used to be. Please, Ari, just be careful with what you say in future." And then she went to ask me about school and then we went home.

I feel so awful. Aunt Nettie was fair to me even though I didn't deserve it! Then, after dinner, Rivka hugged me and said she was sorry for being unfair to me. Her? Unfair to me? I think it was the other way around! I'm a horrible human being! I think this will be the worst thing I will ever do in my life!

Goodnight

Ari.


	9. Chapter 9

**I'm sorry this is really short but I've had a lot to do this past week. It's the last week of school here though so hopefully I'll have more time to write during summer. Please enjoy and review. **

**Disclaimer: Psshtt, I didn't beg Gary Glasberg for NCIS, where are you getting that silliness from? **

_26__th__ December 1986_

Hello! It's almost Chanukah! Isn't that great? I've been waiting for what seems like ages for it and now it's here! Aunt Nettie will be staying until the 3rd of January. It's kind of sad because I really don't want her to go but I know she must. Anyhow, I mustn't focus on the sad things. It's apparently bad for people to focus on the bad things.

I did manage to get moved into the English class with the year above me! It's amazing! I think languages are the only thing I'm good at. I'm okay at maths I suppose but it's not really a challenging subject. I like maths; there's always a solution and always a right answer, you just have to know where to look.

Do you mind a lot if I don't write during Chanukah? It's not that I don't want to, really, it's more that I don't want to be worrying about it while I'm enjoying Chanukah. We always go to bed late and I don't want to be the person that goes, "Do you mind if I go to bed early and write in my diary?" Besides, I want to spend as much time with Aba as possible. Rivka says he might have to go on an assignment (I think I've spelt that right) soon and she won't know when he'll be back. I hate it when Aba goes away. But he has a job to do and he's good at it. And he's protecting out country. If anything, I should be grateful.

I wrote my reply to Scott and I've sent it. Apparently the mail in the UK is quite fats but it's really slow here so I'm not sure when it will get to him. The letters aren't going through the school so I have to write his address in English and he has to write my address in Hebrew and then write it in English next to it. I actually feel really sorry for him, but at least he doesn't need to translate it - he just needs to copy it out from my information card the school gave him. Whereas the school have the card in Hebrew so I need to translate it into English and then write it in a language that's not my own.

Aunt Nettie and Rivka are making latkes and Sufganiyot for Chanukah. Latkes are pancakes made out of onions and potatoes and fried in oil and then served in applesauce. Sufganiyot are fried, jelly-filled donuts that are dusted with sugar. I love Sufganiyot! I like food, full stop.

I met a nice girl yesterday. Her name is Naya, which is pronounced N-eye- ah. I broke my pencil yesterday and she let me borrow hers. At the end of the lesson, she let me keep it. I thought it was nice.

Speak to you in eight days.

Ari.


	10. Chapter 10

**Hello :) I spent all week working on this chapter, trying to create a nice long one for you - 4 pages on a size 10 font on word document and guess what it's only 1, 814. No matter, I hope you enjoy it - that's all that counts. **

**Thank you all so much for your lovely reviews. They are so lovely and helpful to inspire me with what to write. I see a lot of you like Ari/Naya. There was about one sentence about her and you all went crazy for it and detected romance so that's what I've decided to do. I can't stand reading or writing fluff and I'm awful at writing it but I've decided that Ari does need some love. **

**Thank you to Shortcake99 for everything - and I mean everything. From listening to my rants about leaving maths teachers to the weather. Thank you so much ! Oh, and please go read her Fast and Furious fic 'I Never Fear Death Or Dying, I Only Fear Never Trying' - it's so amazing! Even if you've never heard of the fast and the furious - check it out. Neither had I until she mentioned it and I can understand it!**

**I'll stop my rambling now :/**

* * *

_3__rd__ January 1987_

Shalom ,Diary. It's been eight days since I've written to you last. It actually feels strange but Chanukah was good, really good. I realize what a mistake I made with the dates. Chanukah began at sundown on the 26th of December and finished today. Aunt Nettie goes home on the 5th, not the third. Sorry, I got really confused.

I go back to school tomorrow, it's a Sunday. I like Sundays because I have my new English class. My teacher is still Mrs Cohen ,who I really like a lot. She's always so supportive and I've never once failed an English vocabulary test in class. I'm really happy that I'm taking English with the class above now. Oh, and Aba is getting me a French tutor. I hope she's nice.

Aba is going away soon. Like really soon. I think he leaves the day Aunt Nettie is going back to Haifa. I don't want her to go and I don't want Aba to go either. I feel really sorry for Rivka because she's going to be alone with three children for an indefinite amount of time. Aunt Nettie says that if she'd known sooner that Aba would have to go away then she would have stayed longer but she's been away from her work and home for too long. Although she did say that if Rivka felt she was too swamped then she could send either Ziva or I to stay with her.

It rained again today. I liked it. It was warm rain, like the kind you'd expect to get in summer. It also felt strange as well.

I'm looking forward to seeing Naya again. I've not seen her since the last time I wrote to you. I kind of miss her, if that makes sense. I like talking to her.

Oh, and happy New Year! Not the Jewish new year of course, but the Gregorian calendar new year which happens on the 1st of January. So it's now 1987. I'll be thirteen this year. A teenager!

Goodnight.

Ari.

_4__th__ January 1987_

Bonjour!

That's hello in French in case you didn't know. If our actually break down the word though, you get _bon _which means 'good' and _jour _which means 'day'. So it can also mean 'good day'. Can you tell I had my first French lesson today? It was really good! Her name is Mariah (although I'm meant to call her Miss Jeanfreau . She's studying Linguistics at Tel Aviv University which is known internationally for it's Linguistics department. Mariah (That's what I'm going to call her in here) seems okay so far.

Aunt Nettie goes home tomorrow and Aba goes away tomorrow as well. It's been decided that Ziva is going to stay with Aunt Nettie until Aba comes home. It's sad because I'm really going to miss her and I know Rivka will too but it's easier this way. Ziva hasn't started school yet whereas I have and Tali is just a baby and still needs her mother. We don't know how long Aba will be away for so I might not see my sister for a while.

Today was actually pretty boring. We didn't do much at all in school. We had a compulsory music lesson and I got to play the xylophone. How babyish is that! I think the people in Grade 1 play the Xylophone. Miss Shia said that it was a compulsory instrument needed for the piece of music but still, could she not have given it to someone who couldn't play another instrument. I mean I play Piano for goodness sake! I play it well! Miss Shia knows that since she's the one who taught me! Honestly, I'm so frustrated!

Rivka's friend Avigayil is coming to visit us tomorrow. I can't really remember her, all I know is that she works with Rivka as a translator at the Embassy. I think she has short black hair and I know for a fact that her husband is American. I think his accent sounds hilarious but Rivka tells me that he probably thinks mine is hilarious. Isn't that a sobering thought?

Bonsoir (Good Evening in French. _Bon _is good and _Soir _is evening. See, I'm good already!)

Ari.

_5__th__ January 1987_

Aba left today. So did Aunt Nettie with Ziva. It's strange. The house seems too empty without them now. We went from having six people in the house to three people. I don't like it. I'm also really bored because I can't play with Tali, she's not even two months old yet.

I got a reply from Scott, I'm really happy because it's quite quick for him to get my letter, write back and then send it. Here, I'll stick it in here again.

_Dear Ari, _

_I'm really impressed, I got your letter really quickly. Especially since you were busy with Chanukah? Is that right? I'm really sorry if it's not, your letter with the right spelling is downstairs and my mum and Kiera are having and argument so I don't want to go and stir things up. _

_Christmas was amazing, thanks for asking! I got my bike and so did Kiera and my parents loved the gifts we got them and called us 'thoughtful', I'm sure that's the first time somebody's called me that. My grandparents and aunts and uncles all came round for a massive Christmas dinner that made me feel slightly sick. It was okay though because we got to have chocolate cake for dessert and I adore chocolate cake. _

_I'm really impressed with your English as well. Oh my gosh, that sounds horrible. Let me explain before you think I'm the worst human being on this planet and want to drop me off the side of the earth. I just though that since, you know, English isn't your first language and that you're twelve, your English wouldn't be as advanced as it is. I mean most people in my class at school haven't even managed to master English never mind the four languages that you have! I know a little French, that's all. _

_I'm kinda sad that you can't tell me what your parents do but I completely understand. My parents understand too - they really don't like everyone knowing what they do either. I appreciate you not making up something cool and lying to me though, lying is something that I can't stand! Especially when strangers try to make themselves seem cool by lying. At least you didn't say your dad's a spy or something. Can you imagine if he was? That would have to be a lie. _

_I like the family picture you sent me of you and Ziva. She is so adorable, especially her eyes and her smile. What is she like? Your sister? I guess you already know a little about Kiera. She likes to dance and she's persuasive and she can cause arguments a lot and she's really sporty. Is Ziva your only sibling? Kiera's my only sibling and she's my twin. _

_My mum and Kiera are having a really big argument right now. Kiera wants my mum to let her go shopping with her friends on her own and my mum's not letting her because, according to her, Kiera is 'too young and not mature enough'. Now, you can see why that makes Kiera mad!_

_I think I'm going to stop here, I have tons of homework to do. I hope you are doing well. _

_Scott. _

Yeah, my 'dad' could never be a spy. Yup, totally, so unrealistic.

(Please excuse the sarcasm.)

Ari.

_6__th__ January _

Day two of no Ziva and no Aba.

Nothing interesting happened today. Again. Winter is so, very boring and I'm only writing in here for the sake of writing.

Oh, wait, I forgot completely yesterday to write about Avigayil's visit. She was very nice actually but her and Rivka spoke French when they were chatting so I couldn't overhear. How rude is that? It's so annoying when your mother works as a translator so I'd have to learn a language that she doesn't know but that's hard because she knows like eight! Avigayil didn't bring her husband though - I was really disappointed!

I also had music again with Miss Shia today. At least she gave Natalie the Xylophone this time and gave me the piano part! Thank goodness for that! We were playing to some ridiculous song. I hated it but I had to admit that it sounded pretty good with all of us.

Naya was playing a duet part on the piano with me. We got to sit right next to each other. She has really pretty hair.

Sorry this entry was so short but I'm tired and hungry and bored and I'm going to stop rambling now.

Goodnight.

Ari.

_7__th__ January 1987 _

Day three of no Ziva and no Aba.

Happy Wednesday night.

I have absolutely no idea what to write today. There isn't really anything for me to say. I feel fine, everybody else is fine and the only thing wrong is that I miss my sister, but I would never admit that.

I took Tali for a walk in her buggy today. I had to have the big talk from Rivka about no going down any side alleys and not taking any shortcuts. Stick to the inside of the pavement and remember that cars have the right of the road and I have the right of the pavement. It was actually a nice walk. There was sunshine and it was just relaxing, I didn't really have to think too much. I can't imagine living somewhere where it's rainy in winter - like Scotland where Scott lives.

Sometimes, I wonder what would happen if I lived somewhere different. What would become of me if I lived in America or Europe or Africa? Who would I be if I had a family that were monsters instead of the kind, loving people I know? It's a really confusing question.

After I took Tali for a walk, I came in and put her down to sleep and then I went and helped Rivka to cook dinner. She's seemed really down lately, as if she doesn't have enough energy to be Rivka. Like when you see a flower who's petals are hanging down because the stem isn't strong enough to support it. It's kind of like that - she seems really sad. I want to make her happy again but I don't know how. The only time I have seen her truly happy was a few days ago when she was dancing in the living room with Tali cradled by one arm and clutching Ziva to her leg with the other. She laughed. it's been a while since I've heard her laugh.

I think that's enough for today. I'm kind of sad just thinking about it.

Goodnight.

Ari.


	11. Chapter 11

**Sorry for the really long wait. I got caught up in 'Desert Dreams' and trying to get that up and completed so I could come back to this. I'm sorry. **

**As always, please either PM or review if you have any ideas for this. Any ideas at all. I can only say no. **

**Thank you to Shortcake99 for inspiring me and implying in her messages for me to get a move on. Thank you!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the letters N, C, I, or S, so I can't really own them collectively, unless... *tries to hatch evil scheme* *sighs* Sorry, got nothing :/**

**Love and Hugs, **

**Rebecca x**

* * *

_21__st__ January 1987_

Wow, it's been a long time. Two weeks in fact. I'm really sorry for not writing but time just flew by. I've been very busy trying to help Rivka with the house and trying to work on my French and English. But apart from that, there's really no excuse. I'm sorry.

Tali is getting so big now. She'll be two months old tomorrow – the time has passed so fast! Soon she'll be walking and talking and playing with her toys by herself. To be honest, I don't really think I want her to grow up. I want her and Ziva to stay as little as possible for as long as possible. I really must sound like Rivka if I'm saying that.

Aba still hasn't come home from the mission yet so Ziva still hasn't come home from Aunt Nettie's. I really miss her. She's very smart and cute for a four year old. She's also very manipulative but that's one of the things I love about her.

Naya invited me over to her house last week. We've become really good friends lately. She lives in a really nice house, it overlooks the sea and it's quite small. She's an only child and lives with her Ima and Aba. Sometimes her aunt comes to visit as well. Her parents are really nice and told me I could come back anytime. After dinner, we went to the beach and got absolutely covered in sand. Rivka wasn't happy with me when I got home. She made me scrub the floor where I had gotten sand on it. My arms really hurt after that and I told her as much (which was a mistake!) so then she told me that if I ever did anything like that again then it wouldn't be just my arms that were hurting. Isn't she just the sweetest person ever?

I haven't received a reply from Scott in a while. I hope he's okay although he could just be busy. I asked the librarian at school (because she knows everything) if Scotland were on their Christmas holidays and she said that they had just gone back not too long ago. Maybe he's busy getting back into the swing of things after their holidays. Hopefully. Or maybe his letter has just got lost in the mail? I don't know, there are lots of reasons why I haven't gotten a reply.

I'm going to bed now. It's eleven at night and I have school tomorrow.

Goodnight.

Ari

_22__nd__ January 1987_

I am very, incredibly bored. I have no idea what to say or what to do. I've practiced my Russian, French and now I'm practicing my English here.

I feel lonely – which is stupid because I'm not alone at all. I have Rivka and Tali and I can phone Ziva and Aunt Nettie. I also have my friends and Naya – because she's too special to count as just a 'friend'. I don't know – maybe I'm being stupid. Probably.

I wish you were real – yes, that's sounds stupid again – but at least I could actually talk to you. I must be really bored today if I'm writing things like that.

I don't know, I think I'm just going to go now.

Ari

_23__rd__ January 1987_

Hello! I feel a lot less depressed today! I must have just been having an 'off' day yesterday – that's how Rivka describes them, especially when she's been grumpy that day.

Naya and I went out today. We just went for a walk and talked about boring things but it felt nice. Calming. She wants to be a Journalist when she leaves school, or a photographer, after her conscription, of course. Something nice and safe. Naya's lucky; her family has nothing to do with Mossad or anything remotely like that.

We were only out for a little while because Naya had to go back and help her family prepare for the Shabbat dinner. We're not doing Shabbat at the moment – there's really no point. Aba and Ziva are away and Tali are too young to celebrate properly so it would only be Rivka and I. Since Shabbat is about family, it wouldn't be as fun as it was in December.

I found out that it's exactly a month today when my Ima comes again from Palestine. It's strange but I actually haven't thought about her that much over the past few weeks. I've been very busy though and since I don't see her a lot, maybe that's why. I'm very excited.

Ari

_24__th__ January 1987_

Happy Saturday!

Rivka, Tali and I went to the beach today. It was a little cold since it's winter but it was fun because the place was practically deserted since it's a Saturday. It was one of those warm winter weekends though – where the sun shines and there are no clouds. It was slightly windy but not hurricane-style wind.

Rivka and I built sandcastles while Tali slept on the picnic blanket in her car-seat. We made this great big one and we put doors and everything in it and then the tide came in and made it into sloppy sludge. So we built another one and I thought it looked a bit like Aunt Nettie's house in Haifa. Rivka agreed with me so we made a tiny Aunt Nettie and an even tinier Ziva to put next to it. It looked like they were waving at us!

After we packed everything up, we went back home and Rivka and I made malabi together. Of course it didn't turn out right the first time so we had to do it again and again until the whole kitchen was covered in cornstarch and pistachios. We spent the next hour cleaning it up. It was really fun!

After Rivka put Tali to bed, she let me pick a story and then she read it to me. Okay, so I'm twelve and not a baby any more but Rivka has a really good reading voice and it was soothing.

It was a really great day!

Ari

_26__th__ January 1987_

I have absolutely great news! ZIVA AND ABA ARE COMING HOME IN A WEEK! I'm so happy it's unbelievable! And I have so much to tell them! Like how I got 30/30 in my English vocabulary test and that how my French teacher is so impressed with my language skills that she wants me to get an IQ test and how I can now make sahlab by myself!

I spoke to Ziva on the phone yesterday – only the second time in the weeks she's been gone. She told me that she and Aunt Nettie celebrated Shabbat on Friday but it wasn't the same without all of us. She also told me that Aba thinks she should get an English tutor now because it's better to learn when you're young. I asked her if Aba had phoned her and she said yes, he phoned last week.

I asked Rivka if Aba had phoned and she said that he had but I was at school and he hadn't phoned again. I then asked her why she didn't tell me and she said, "Because I did not want you to get upset over something you could not change." Well, she actually said something different and in Hebrew but that was what she meant. It's hard, all this translating business!

I can't wait until next week!

Ari

_29th January 1987_

Only 3 days until Ziva and Aba come home! I'm so excited, I can't wait!

Saturday again today! I didn't do much. No school so I practiced my French and Russian – which I like to count myself half-fluent in. Rivka's fluent in French and Russian from her job as a translator so she helped me and taught me ways to remember the ending of the French verbs. It's almost as hard as learning English except it's made slightly easier by the fact that I already know how to pronounce the letters and to write them. French also has capital letters as well! I hate capital letters! Why do other languages need them? We get along perfectly well without them and it doesn't change the pronunciation of the word so why? I think it's to confuse people.

Naya and I are going to the beach tomorrow after school. It's going to be so much fun, I can't wait. Her Ima said she would pack us a picnic and then Rivka said (because I think she felt she was taking advantage of Naya's parents) that Naya could come over later in the week and we could watch a movie together. I hope out TV decides to work then. We don't watch it very often and on the rare times we do, it decides not to work sometimes.

There was something on the radio today. Apparently the head of the American CIA (Central Intelligence Agency) has resigned. I think the CIA is involved in operations in the Middle East but I'm not sure. I wonder if that means things will change here for us.

Ari

_30__th__ January 1987_

So I went to the beach with Naya today and we had our picnic! It wasn't that busy since it's a Sunday and quite cloudy but it was quite warm. We just talked about school mostly, and our favourite things to do. Then we moved on to things that are happening in our year at school. It was very nice.

It's only 2 days until Ziva and Aba come home! I am so excited! Aunt Nettie will be brining Ziva and she said that she'll stay for a few days because she's missed us even though it's not been that long since I've seen her. I think Tali is excited that they're coming home too. I swear Ziva is Tali's favourite.

Mrs. Cohen told the English class today that there was going to be a really big exam coming up in a few weeks! Now I'm really nervous! I mean I think my English is good but what if it's not good enough for this big exam! I can't start freaking out though, because if I do then I'll just start to forget simple things like vowels and capital letters and similes and full stops and things!

I need to calm down.

Ari

_31__st__ January 1987_

Only 1 day until Ziva and Aba come home! And Aunt Nettie comes to visit!

I've been revising like crazy for this English exam! It's so hard to try and cram lots of things into your brain and trying to remember them is really hard! I just can't wait to get this over and done with!

I'm sorry but there's nothing for me to write today – I'm too busy and too uninteresting. Sorry.

Ari


	12. Chapter 12

**I'm hooommmeee (or I'm back). Sorry I didn't update last week but I was on holiday and didn't take my laptop with me. **

**Okay - so just to remind you, nothing in this fic represents my personal opinions, it's all what the character thinks... keep that in mind when you *spoiler* read Scott's letter...**

**Thank you to all my lovely reviewers - you honestly make me smile so keep 'em coming!**

* * *

_1__st__ February 1987_

ZIVA AND ABA ARE HOME AND AUNT NETTIE IS HERE TO VISIT!

I am so, so happy. Aba brought me back a present from Paris (it turns out that's where he was). It's a few French books and a little metal Eiffel Tower. It looks nice on my shelf next to the little red, metal phone-box that he brought me back from London a few years ago. I hope when he goes away next time (because we all know there will be a next time) he will go to New York, because I would really like a Statue of Liberty next to the other things.

Ziva is all tanned from the beach at Haifa. Apparently it was sunny there a few times – I'm so jealous! – So Aunt Nettie let her play on the beach with the other children there. Her hair is darker too, she looks very cute. It's annoying sometimes because she can be a little devil. She brought me some chocolate back and sheepishly told me that a little bit of it was gone because she was really hungry on the train journey here but she promised me that she would buy me another one if I wanted. I promised her that it was fine.

Aba promised that we could do Shabbat this week, to celebrate that we're a whole family again. I'm very happy.

Ari

_2__nd__ February 1987_

Don't you just feel that the days are going so quickly now? Well maybe not you since you're only paper but I do. It only seems like last week I started this diary and it will be three months this month. Okay, so when I put it like that it doesn't seem so long but it feels like it.

Time is passing really quickly too. I think that might be because I'm so busy studying and learning; time always goes quickly when you're busy. Or at least that's what Rivka says when I moan about helping clean the house.

My Ima is coming later this month! I'm so excited! I wish she could come and live with us but Aba says that wouldn't be safe for us or her so it can't be. Aba never lies to us. Well, hopefully he doesn't/ I know he keeps things from us but that's not the same as lying. You can't lie if you're not telling things in the first place. I think.

Naya is coming over on Thursday! That's only two days away! Ziva really wants to meet her, she says I have a _khaverah _(which means 'girlfriend') and is running all over the house shouting it. I'm just glad it's here and not in the street – that would be so embarrassing! Naya is not my girlfriend; she's just a friend – who happens to be a girl. It's really not that big of a deal.

Ari

_3__rd__ February 1987_

I got a letter from Scott today. I'll stick it in again!

_Dear Ari,_

_I am so sorry for the long wait. I was on my Christmas holidays and everything slows around here during Christmas so your letter didn't get delivered for quite a while. Then, once I received it and read it, I forgot about it until I went back to school and spent my entire maths period drafting this up. Then I wrote it and if you're receiving this very late then I've probably forgotten to post it. It's not easy getting to the post-office from here. _

_I had a really horrible experience with somebody in Edinburgh the other day. My Geography class was on a trip to look at the culture in Edinburgh and we all had badges on saying which school we're from – and our school uniforms of course. So we were sitting in Princes Street Gardens eating our lunch and we were next to this other school group. _

_So this girl looks me up and down and goes (nastily), "So you're from Dollar Academy?"_

_And I do go to Dollar Academy so I said, "Yeah, I do."_

_Then she goes, "I hear that's a really posh school with loads of snotty, snobbish people. I bet you're looking at me thinking 'Oh can't be seen speaking to a commoner'."_

_I was actually quite offended by that, I wasn't thinking that at all. I was thinking about how nasty her tone was and how wet the grass was beneath my jacket. So, I said, "I wasn't. I was thinking about the wet grass."_

_Then, before she can reply, her teacher called her school group away but she looked me up and down again and said, "Of course you were," really sarcastically. _

_Seriously?! What was up with that?! I mean yeah, Dollar Academy is a Private school and you do have to pay to go there and it is a boarding school (although you don't have to board if you don't want to). But let's clear some things up. First of all, I only go to Dollar Academy because I live in Dollar and it's the closest school for me to go to. Secondly, Kiera and I go to Dollar Academy on a scholarship! That's right! My parents can't afford the ginormous amount of fees the school wants per year. And most people at school are lovely and not snobby at all! Sure, some of them are and are like "Daddy bought me this" or "Mummy bought me that" but only a few. _

_Sorry for all that moaning but seriously, who the heck did she think she was? She didn't even know me and yet she had judged me just on the name of the school I went to. I told Kiera and this is actually what she said (I'm sorry for not editing out the 'bad' words: _

_"Do you want me to go find that bitch and go all 'Kiera' on her ass? Because I will! Nobody – and I mean __NOBODY__ – gets to talk to my brother like that! Who the hell does she think she is? Judging you for what school you happen to go to! If I bump into her one time then she better cross the road if she knows what's good for her because she won't know what the hell hit her!"_

_She calmed down a bit after she got that out but she was pacing up and down in her room all night. You really have just gotta love my sister!_

_Sorry for all the ranting in this letter, I just had to tell you, you know? _

_Hopefully you'll still want to write to me after this and I'll hear from you soon. _

_Scott!_

Wow. That was…. Intense (momentarily forgot the word there) Poor Scott! Some people can just be so cruel. I know that too well.

Ari.

_4__th__ February 1987 _

I'm writing this really late so it's going to be brief but I just had to put in how Naya and I's movie night went okay. It was really fun and I think Naya loves Ziva and Tali – she kept going on about how adorable they were and how sweet and all that. I told her that she should try living with them and she said I should be lucky to have siblings because the bond between them is unique and you never know when you might need them. I suppose she does have a point, I just can't imagine myself ever needing them, you know? I've always imagined it will be them needing me. Maybe that's egotistical and arrogant of me but it's the way I think.

Anyhow, back to the movie. We watched a movie called _Aqabat-Jaber, passing through _which is about the daily life of Palestinian refugees in the Aqabat-Jaber in the West bank. It was quite good. Then Rivka made some sahlab which we ate and then Naya went home.

It was a very good day.

Ari

_5__th__ February 1987_

Rivka and Aba had another argument today, and on the day of the Shabbat as well!

So I came home from playing football in the street with Isaac and went upstairs to my room where I found Ziva drawing at my desk. She usually does this because she doesn't have a desk and Rivka won't let her draw on the floor. Anyway, I came in and she said, "Ima and Aba arguing," (in Hebrew, I'm translating). I hadn't heard it in coming up the stairs but then I did. I asked her where Aunt Nettie and Tali were and she just said, "Walk," and went back to her drawing.

Here are the parts of the argument I heard:

"We have already had this conversation, Rivka, months ago. It is what is best for him," Aba said.

"Do you not see what teaching a twelve – almost thirteen- year old boy to shoot will do to him?"

"People teach their sons how to shoot all the time and in other countries. I am not being unreasonable."

"People teach their sons to shoot for game, Eli and for self-defense. You are teaching him so he will be proficient enough when he joins Mossad."

"What if I am? Ari is a responsible child; he will not abuse the power a gun gives him."

"I am not saying that he will. I am just saying that a gun is an evil thing, an evil, evil thing and I will not allow any child of mine to be around one unnecessarily."

"He is not your child, Rivka."

"So you said before."

And that's how it ended. So now it's been agreed that I've to go to the shooting range with Aba on a Thursdays after he comes back from the office. Rivka isn't happy about it but Aba obviously had the last word.

I better go now. It's almost sundown and we all know what that means.

Happy Shabbat!

Ari

* * *

**So by now you will have read Scott's letter and the 'Dollar Academy' incident. First of all, I'm perfectly informed to make those comments considering I live near Dollar Academy (but don't go) and have met some of the people there and know some of them. This is not an insult to them and it is not my personal opinion. Yes, some of them are really snobby but lots and most of them are really nice and kind so those other people are in a majority. It was just a little thing that was mentioned the other day at school that prompted me to write about it and make poor Scott on the receiving end of it. So Vivien, if you're reading this, please don't take offence :P *Ends Spiel* **


	13. Chapter 13

**Hello! It's me again! **

**OH MY GOSH! So who here hasn't seen the trailer? 'Cause it had me jumping up and down and shouting at my brother because he wanted to watch Rizzoli and Isles... It was just so... ugh... you know what I mean? **

**I've gotten addicted to Michael Weatherly's 'All Fall Apart' by my good friend Becca! And the feels... Exceot now I'm listening to 'You are not alone' probably not the best idea... oh well :P**

**I only got 1 review for the last chapter! Where did all my lovely reviewers go? Huh? I miss you guys... :'(**

**Enough of my ramblings... and on with the show!**

**~Rebecca x **

* * *

_6__th__ February 1897_

Good evening!

Shabbat was good. It was slightly awkward though because Rivka and Aba weren't really talking to one another and Aunt Nettie got a bit fed up with them. I can hardly blame her, they're acting like children.

I get annoyed at them sometimes. Why do they have to be different? Why can't my family just be like everyone else's? Seriously, is it that bad wanting to be normal?! Everybody else I know has a normal family; ones where their parents aren't Mossad Officers or where they don't have to learn to shoot when you're older for a career you know you have no choice in. It's not fair, it really isn't.

Is it unrealistic to think that I could maybe persuade Aba out of me joining Mossad one day? All I want to do is be a doctor, and potentially work with my mother in the Gaza camps. I want to save lives, not have a hand in taking them. I want to have a safe job, like Naya will with being a journalist, like Isaac will with being a chef, like Eli will with being a scientist. I want to be like all my friends in the way that they don't have to go home at night and listen to arguments about weapons. In the way that they can worry about each individual day, where I always have to plan for the future.

I now finally understand Aunt Nettie's saying of _Itsru et Ha'olam, Ani Rotze Laredet! (_ עצרו את העולם, אני רוצה לרדת!)

Stop the world, I want to get off!

Ari

_7__th__ February 1987_

It's a Sunday again. It's actually a month until my birthday today. I'll be thirteen years old! I'm really excited! I'm not sure what I want to do for my birthday though, or what I want for it. I don't really want a big deal for it though, it's kind of embarrassing when all the attention is on you.

Ziva's started to get English lessons twice a week. I don't think she like them much to be honest. I once asked her what languages she wanted to learn and she said, "I don't care as long as it's not English. That looks confusing." Well, she said it in Hebrew but you should pretty much get the idea by now. Every time someone mentions English she shudders a little – like she's scared. Except why would a four year old be scared of English? What would she even know about it? My little sister is strange.

I've been revising a lot for this English exam we have coming up. It's a big thing and I keep thinking I have something to prove because I'm a year younger than the entire class. Rivka says it's ridiculous and that I have a right to be there as much as everybody else does. I've worked hard at it. I'm sure she's right but just because she is doesn't mean that I automatically feel like that.

I'm busy revising things like what are similes and what are metaphors so there will probably be a doodle on some pages about what they are.

Ari

_9__th__ February 1987 _

I am so, so bored! You could not have any comprehensible idea of how BORING it is to revise similes and metaphors and personification and all those things that probably native English speakers have no idea what they mean! And it's so hard to learn! Because in French, there are only three verb endings and they all have a recurring pattern and everything has a place and an order it's meant to go in. ENGLISH IS NOTHING LIKE THAT! All its verbs are different and there are so many words that look different but mean the exact same thing! That being said, it's also my favourite language to learn. It's interesting to think that other people speak this language all the time and we don't. We speak Hebrew and occasionally Arabic because the alphabets are so close to each other.

Apart from the incessantly annoying studying, life is okay. Nothing is really too bad. Apart from the really annoying awkwardness between Rivka and Aba. It's annoying me so much! For once, can they not get along? Is is really impossible?

Ari

_12__th__ February 1987 _

Hello! Friday's come round again and so has Shabbat. I think we're only doing it for Aunt Nettie's sake – she's much more religious than my parents. She's taking us to the synagogue tomorrow morning. I think it'sbeen about a year since \I last stepped in one. We don't really have a lot of time for going. Sometimes I feel bad about it but I don't really think of it all the time. There surely must be other things in life than religion?

I went to the firing range with Aba yesterday, much to Rivka's annoyance. She told me that I should be careful and just tell him 'no' if I don't want to do anything. It wasn't what I expected, although I'm not sure what I did expect. I won't deny that it wasn't interesting, because it was and it was kind of fun. I was very bad though! I either kept missing or I was shooting kneecaps and fingertips off when I was aiming for the face or heart. Aba says I'll be a really good shot someday I sincerely doubt it.

Shabbat Shalom!

Ari

_15__th__ February 1987_

I had the English exam today, except it was just a practice one so not the real thing unfortunately. It wasn't too hard but it definitely through me off a little. It was so strange because all the questions were in Hebrew and you had to write some of the answers in Hebrew and other answers in English! Here are one of the questions (In English but the question was in Hebrew):

12. Write down a better adjective to replace the word in bold.

A) A **fat **man

B) An **old **woman

C) A **Sad **girl

So the question was in Hebrew but the little sentences where in English. It confused me. And then we had to translate a Hebrew saying into English which isn't easy because sometimes you can't literally translate and have to choose what makes sense. Here's the one that was in the 'exam'

אין הנחתום מעיד על עיסתו (_Eyn Hanah'tom Meid Al Eesato) _

So we had to put down the translation – which was alright because \I knew this one. It means _'the baker shouldn't comment on his dough.' _And then we had to put what it means since sometimes our sayings don't make sense. So it basically means that someone who makes something should not speak its praises. Mrs. Cohen said that this would be what the actual exam will be like so if we didn't revise for this one then we should definitely start now.

I asked Naya (who was in my old English class) what they were doing and she said that they were just starting on metaphors. "I think it's stupid," she said, "they are teaching us all of these things that they know will go to waste. English should be an option, not a requirement. I can guarantee that most people in our school will either forget this or will never use it! Education is always wasted on those who either do not deserve it or will never use it. It is such a shame."

She has an interesting point.

Ari

_16__th__ February 1987_

It's exactly a week today until my Ima comes from Palestine! I'm really excited! I hope I'll have done the English exam by then so I don't have to rush away and study all the time!

I just had to put that there – nothing interesting happened today. Aunt Nettie said she's considering giving up her job in Haifa and coming to live in Tel Aviv. I would love to have her nearer!

Ari


End file.
